Part 2 (Languages) - (Original author: [email protected])
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The easiest way to tell a Real Programmer from the crowd is by the programming language (s)he uses.
Real Programmers use FORTRAN. Quiche Eaters use PASCAL. Nicklaus Wirth, the designer of PASCAL,
gave a talk once at which he was asked, "How do you pronounce your name?" He replied, "You can call
me either by name, pronouncing it 'Veert', or call me by value 'Worth'." One can tell immediately from this
comment that Nicklaus Wirth is a Quiche Eater. The only parameter passing mechanism endorsed by Real
Programmers is call-by-value-return, as implemented in the IBM/370 FORTRAN-G and H compilers. Real
programmers don't need all these abstract concepts to get their job done - they are perfectly happy with
a keypunch, a FORTRAN IV compiler and a beer.

- Real Programmers do List Processing in FORTRAN.

- Real Programmers do String Manipulations in FORTRAN.

- Real Programmers do Accounting (if they do it at all) in FORTRAN.

- Real Programmers do Artificial Intelligence Programming in FORTRAN.

- Real Programmers in FORTRAN.

If you can't do it in FORTRAN, do it in assembly language. If you can't do it in assembly language, it isn't
worth doing.

- to be continued -